Recognising domestic abuse and coercive control

Recognising domestic abuse and coercive control

Domestic abuse affects 1 in 5 women.

Domestic abuse is common in our society and is often hidden. If we know the signs of an abusive relationship we may be better able to recognise and respond appropriately.

“It was a Garda who gave me a leaflet for the DVR and told me I was in an abusive relationship. At this point I was so disillusioned, broken and afraid I didn’t think there was a name for such madness. I eventually plucked up the courage to call and immediately things started to change for me.”

What is domestic abuse?

We define domestic abuse as an incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive, threatening, degrading and violent behaviour.

Domestic abuse is not just physical abuse, it can be emotional, psychological, financial, sexual, digital and often involves coercive control. Domestic abuse can happen in dating relationships as well as more established relationships or marriage and can continue when a relationship has ended.

“I was involved in a violent relationship. I mainly suffered psychological abuse which is really a very short, formal and inaccurate term for absolute sadness, depression, horror, desperation, confusion, darkness, pain and helplessness.”

Domestic abuse exists in all communities and is not determined by class or social status. Poverty, disability and ethnicity can have additional and severe impacts. In the vast majority of cases, it is experienced by women and is perpetrated by men. The perpetrator is likely to be a partner or ex-partner, but may also be a family member. Domestic abuse is very common.

Domestic abuse is not her fault. It is not her imagination. It is not acceptable. (Safe Ireland 2019)

What is coercive control?

Coercive control is a crime and can be prosecuted. It is at the very heart of domestic abuse. It does not have to be physical violence.

Coercive control is formally defined as psychological abuse in intimate relationships that causes fear of violence or serious alarm or distress that has a substantial adverse impact on a person’s day-to-day life, manifesting as a pattern of intimidation or humiliation involving psychological or emotional abuse.

It is a persistent and deliberate pattern of behaviour by an abuser over a prolonged period of time designed to achieve obedience and create fear. Coercive control specifically relates to tactics used by an intimate partner – a spouse, non-spouse or civil partner – now or in the past.

What are the tactics of coercive control?

Coercive control is all about making a woman’s world smaller, trapping her and restricting her independence and freedom. It can include:

Being isolated from your family or friends
Controlling what you wear / what you eat
Preventing you from accessing essential services like medical, support services
Humiliating, degrading and dehumanising you
Forcing you to take part in criminal activity
Controlling all the finances / preventing you from working or having your own money
Threatening to publish pictures or videos of you online
Monitoring your online activity or install spyware on your phone or laptop

Violence /Abuse is a crime and a violation of Human Rights. There is no acceptable level of violence and abuse. (Community Response to Domestic Abuse, Western Regional Network 2019)

The cycle of abuse

Domestic abuse can happen in dating relationships, as well as more established relationships or marriage, and can be just as dangerous.

Abusive relationships typically become intense quickly and are often difficult and dangerous to end. Domestic abuse is used deliberately to gain and maintain power and control over you through the use of many different tactics including physical violence.

Perpetrators will deny, minimise, excuse or blame you for the abuse and their behaviour. This pattern of behaviour can be confusing and often this confusion is deliberate. Abuse doesn’t happen all the time and there is often a pattern.

See more

Warning Signs

Signs of an abusive relationship.

We can help

Our highly experienced and approachable team offer guidance, advice and counselling supports that empower you.

Older and vulnerable women

Women can suffer domestic abuse at any age.