Post separation abuse

Post separation abuse

It is common for perpetrators of domestic abuse to continue to try to coerce, abuse and control their victims and children, even after separation and the end of the relationship. This coercive controlling behavior is perpetrated in a myriad of ways.

Post separation abuse checklist

Is your ex-partner obsessively fixated on you, using stalking, harassing you and other third parties, trying to gain contact with you through social media, or putting your private information in the public domain or on social media?
Does your ex-partner try to use the ‘system’ against you, making false allegations to Tusla or other professionals, about you being a bad mother: accusing you of being an alcoholic or abusing drugs, telling people that you are ‘crazy’, or by harassing your GP, the School and other professionals?
Does he threaten to kill or kidnap the children?
Does he threaten suicide to get you to agree to his demands?
Does he expose the children to pornography/ violent video games on access?
Does your ex-partner continue to intimidate you, shouting, destroying your, or the children’s, possessions?
Does he discredit you as a parent using your social status against you? (sexual identity, race, immigration, religion, education or income).
Is your ex-partner using access arrangements as an excuse to break no-contact orders, come into your home?
Does he continue to relentlessly harass you, but just keeps outside the boundaries of your Protection, Safety, Barring Order?
Is your ex-partner using third parties (e.g. mutual friends) to continue to harass and threaten you? Or does he try to isolate you from your friends, family and professional supports by telling lies about you?
Does your ex-partner try to disrupt your relationships with your children, degrading you in front of them and forcing them to side with him?
Does your ex-partner use the children to ‘spy’ on you and interrogate them about you?
Does he isolate you from the children , or them from you?
Does your ex-partner undermine your ability to parent, (e.g. disrupting the children’s sleep and feeding routines and withholding information regarding their welfare?
Does your ex-partner demand rigid and unaccommodating access schedules at the expense of the children missing out on extra-curricular activities, family celebrations, birthday parties etc?
Does he disregard the children’s school schedules and homework during access times?
Does he ridicule or neglect the children’s needs, wants, fears, and pressurize them to act older or younger than they are?
Does he abandon them during access and make other family members or new partner do his share of the parenting?
Does your ex-partner continue to try to control you by not paying the agreed maintenance, or only paying ‘sometimes’, forcing you into financial chaos and having to keep returning to court?
Does he keep bringing you to court on repeated and frivolous claims resulting in increased stress, your loss of wages, and potentially huge legal costs?
Is your ex-partner accusing you in the courts of ‘Parental Alienation’ when the children are afraid of him and don’t want to go to access?

Contact Us

091 866740

You can also reach us on 087 773 7957 and 087 164 6454
If you are in immediate danger, please contact the Gardaí on 999
24 Hour telephone support is available from Women’s Aid on 1800 341 900

A list of support services and refuges throughout Ireland is available on Safe Ireland’s website. Click here for more information https://www.safeireland.ie/get-help/where-to-find-help/